A Summer to Remember
by TeamSerenate
Summary: Set when Katy is 18, goes until...Well I finish. When Howard comes home with his room mate, sparks fly and tensions build between everyone as a summer of pain, love, loss, and everything in between happens. Better than it sounds please r&r rated 2 be safe
1. Changes

Not much to tell really, two years after the events in Flicka. Only a few OC's, bring back everyone from Flicka. Told from Katy's POV and is about her change from childhood into adulthood and the two that helped her get there.

1: Changes

Changes were coming-it was everywhere, in the trees, floating through the barn, whispering in the wind, it was impossible to not feel it. Like wind, it was invisible, yet there. Ever-present and somewhat daunting.

If only I had known what was going to come crashing into my world, rocking it in ways I had never dreamed.

But there are some lessons in life that can't be taught in a classroom. My experiences the summer I was eighteen showed me that and so much more.

I had just finished high school, Howard was at B.U., he had finished his sophomore year and was coming home for the summer. He had returned for both Thanksgiving and Christmas but he hadn't been able to stay for the full summer last year. This year he was staying right up until school started again.

As for me and school, well…

The day Howard was coming home I was wide awake and up before anyone. Well, almost anyone. Flicka stood up-right and alert in the stall as I walked towards her. "Hey girl" I said softly. "Want to go for a run?" I led her out and we started running, following the same route that had led me to her. As always, the beauty of the nature made me catch my breath. It was still cool, the sun was starting its upward climb, the dew from a shower the night before glinted faintly, casting about rainbows. At times like these, it felt like Flicka and I were the only two people on earth.

Flicka and I came home just as the sun had fully risen. I took her to the arena and walked her around it, letting her cool off before going inside for breakfast. Already everyone sat there: dad at the head of the table, mom to his right, Gus to his left, Jack next to Gus, my chair next to mom was empty, as was Howard's at the other end of the table and the extra one mom and barley managed to squeeze in next to me. After quick "mornings" I sat down and looked at the extra chair. "When is Howard supposed to be here?" I asked as mom handed me a slice of toast.

"I imagine sometime early this afternoon" my father answered, spearing a piece of pancake, chewing it slowly. A lot had changed between us over the past two years. Our bond was stronger than it had ever been, though we still managed to find something to argue about. But hey, we're just human-and father and daughter. He looked up and smiled at me, a smile reserved for me alone. "You really miss him?"

I nodded. "Yeah." I nibbled on the toast, reaching for a glass of orange juice. Part of me was at the table, listening for tires, the other was back with Flicka, we were running wild and free.

"What do you know about his friend he's bringing here?" mom asked casually. That was the way mom always was-casual about just everything. Even her clothes were casual-faded jeans, a simple cotton shirt, tucked in neatly. Her blonde hair hung loose over her back, though it was elegant and graceful.

"Not much. Just that he's a pretty quiet guy, smart, knows his way around horses real well, said he would be willing to pay us." Dad shrugged and took a sip of coffee. "Sounds ok by me." Breakfast was finished in relative silence, minus forks scraping plates.

Once the dishes were done and put away, I worked with mom on my morning chores, Flicka still in the arena. "When are you going to talk to your father?" mom asked as we tended to the garden. I was tugging some weeds up, my face down and away from her. "Katy?" she said gently, standing just behind me.

I turned to her, tossing the weeds in a wicker basket. "I'm waiting until Howard's home. It will soften the blow." She looked at me and sighed. "I'll tell him." She raised an eyebrow and we went back to tugging out weeds.

Just as mom and I were finishing in the garden Gus called out to me. "Katy!" I followed the direction of his finger and saw an unfamiliar truck making its way up to our home. I laughed happily and rushed to the front of home. I could hear mom and Gus behind me, dad and Jack coming from the barn. Slowly the truck wove its way up to the front, stopping mere inches from me. The passenger door opened and out stepped Howard. I rushed into his arms, hugging him tightly around the middle.

"Howard!" He laughed and ruffled my hair. I turned my head to look up at him. He still looked like my brother, aside from slight stubble he looked just like he had at Christmas. "Planning on growing a beard for Miranda?" I teased him. He laughed again, tapping my cheek with a closed fist.

Mom grabbed him from me, holding on tighter than I had. "Oh let me look at you" she said. He stood still and let her look at him, tracing the stubble. "My baby's growing up so fast." He snorted and shook his head, backing away slightly. "Both of my babies."

I rolled my eyes and the three men near us made throat-clearing noises. Mom disregarded them all. We had been so swept up in Howard's return none of us had noticed that the driver had climbed out and had a bag slung over his shoulder. He stood at the front of the truck, slightly unsure of himself in the wake of the reunion.

Dad stepped out of the line and walked towards him. "Welcome." He held out his hand which the stranger shook. "I'm Rob. That's Gus and Jack, my stable hands, my wife Nell, and my daughter Katy." He had walked closer to us, extending his hand as dad introduced us. He didn't wear a hat, though the way he tipped his head at mom and I made it seem like he did.

When he stood in front of me I had to turn my head so far up, one hand blocking out the sun as best it could. He was 6'2'', broad-shouldered and muscular. His hair was blue-black, his lips slightly red but not too much so. He had high and prominent cheekbones and a strong jaw line. His chin was solid and stoic, a long silver scar ran across it. Out of all his features though, it was his eyes that were the most startling about him. They were pale blue-green; I imagined that they were what the ocean looked like. "I'm Matt Harte" he finally said, his voice deep and booming yet soft at the same time.

"Welcome, Matt" mom said cheerfully, smiling at him. He pulled one on as well yet it seemed out place and forced. "I hope you boys are hungry. I was just getting ready to make some lunch."

Howard grinned at Matt. "Did I mention my mom is the best cook ever?"

Matt grinned back, a true grin this time. "Only the whole way here." Everyone chuckled and mom ushered us all inside.


	2. Matt

Same day, like all my stories, in the beginning it tends to drag, but its building character development and more importantly character relationships.

2: Matt

While mom made lunch for us, dad showed Matt where he was going to stay which was in Howard's room on a cot. He didn't say much, just nodded and said "thank you." He looked around with minimal interest, his head he kept turned in the direction of the barn.

Eventually mom called us downstairs for lunch. We all took our seats, Matt, mom, and I were squeezed together but it worked. "I'm sorry you won't get to taste my amazing cooking skills until tonight" she joked as a plate of grilled cheese sandwiches was passed around.

Matt smiled kindly. "That's alright." Mom returned it and handed me the bowl of potato salad. I handed it to Matt who took it and said "thank you." I could only smile and nod as he handed it to Howard after he took some.

"Is there anything I should know about you and food? Any allergies?" mom asked as she was the cook.

"No ma'mm. I'm not allergic to anything and will eat just about anything." He took the plate from Howard and handed it to me. Outside Flicka whinnied softly, though it still managed to carry into the horse. "Someone doesn't sound happy."

"Flicka" everyone at the table said at once. I bit into my sandwich, easily finishing off just under half of it. Dad must have noticed for he said "you just slow it down Katy, you still have chores to finish before you can ride Flicka."

I tried to hide my disappointment and slight anger by drinking from the glass of fresh milk. "I'll help. Part of my deal for staying here. Speaking of which, is five hundred enough?"

"Enough?" dad asked, finishing a bite of grilled cheese.

"Per month. Five hundred per month to stay here." Someone choked on a piece of sandwich or a bit of potato that went down wrong. "Not enough?"

"Matt, that's very generous but really you should keep your money. Consider the work you do here at the farm payment enough."

"I would really feel better if I could pay you folks back in someway-money wise I mean. I know right now, economically nothing is really in a farm's favor."

Mom wasn't going down without a fight. "Again, thank you but really…"

"I'm not taking no for an answer. It will make me feel better." Eventually they came to an agreement. As soon as we were finished, dishes put away, I led Matt out to the barn. Jack, dad, Gus, and Howard had taken all of the horses out of the stalls and were letting them run in the pasture, each on a horse to keep up with the loose ones. "What are we doing?" Matt asked.

"We need to muck out all the stalls before they get back." I handed him a shovel and took one as well. As I was sliding my gloves on, he disappeared. "Matt?" I called uncertainly. Less than a minute later, he came back pushing two wheelbarrows effortlessly. He put one next to the stalls on the left then the other one on the right. His shirt had disappeared and every movement he took made his chest ripple. I made myself turn and started cleaning the stalls.

Matt hardly said anything; I think the only time he spoke was to ask what to do with the waste when the wheelbarrow was full. We worked comfortably despite the silence, it wasn't awkward at all. Once we had finished, the shovels and wheelbarrows away, he leaned against the side of the barn, watching Flicka run wild in the arena. "She's beautiful" he said, his eyes following her.

I beamed-it wasn't everyday I heard my horse was beautiful. "I know. From the first time I saw her, I knew I wanted to make her mine." I laughed then. "I know how that must sound…"

"Poetic. Like something you would read in a novel or see in a movie." I hadn't noticed it before but his voice had a soft southern note to it. He stared at her, fascinated almost. "Howard said you found her alone."

"Yeah. She scared off a mountain lion and very well saved my life." Matt nodded. "Howard and I searched high and low but we never found any other ones. Just Flicka, on her own."

Flicka had slowed down to a walk by then, still pacing around and around in the arena. "I know how that feels." He spoke the words so softly I wasn't sure I had heard them. "Alone." He kicked at the dirt and turned to walk inside the house.

While Matt's words were echoing in my head, I grabbed my gear and started to put it on Flicka and halfway through decided to just hang it back up. I swung myself up and onto her just as Matt came out from the house, he stayed on the porch, watching. I pulled on her reins and we started off, slowly, then quicker and quicker, the wind running through my hair, the sun beating down on us, everything was perfect.

And yet I couldn't shake his words-"I know how that feels…Alone." Matt was one big enigma I was just starting to unravel and with time I would learn things I wished had stayed buried in the past for that's where certain things are meant-the past, not the present, for fear they may disturb the future.

Flicka and I returned home roughly an hour before twilight. From the smells, mom was inside making dinner; the guys had brought the horses back and were in the house, laughing loudly about something. Flicka whinnied impatiently as I got off her, taking the reins off.

Matt's truck was gone.

I walked inside, the guys were playing cards, and glasses of sweet iced tea were strewn about the table. "Come on guys. Dinner's almost ready" mom said, picking up glasses, getting loud protests as she did so. "Move it or no dinner. How's that sound?"

That got them moving. Within less than five minutes, they had cleared the table and replaced the cards with plates and utensils. I washed my hands at the sink and asked causally "where did Matt go?"

"Into town. Said not to wait for him as far as dinner went." I nodded and tried to act nonchalant about it but I hardly noticed the food I ate, tasted nothing. There was something about him I couldn't quite grasp. Something different.

And as I was to learn, something very special.


	3. Mystery Man

Same night, sorry it's so slow, gets better after this, promise.

3: Mystery Man

While I was brushing my teeth, Flicka safely in her stall for the night, I heard Matt's truck pull into the driveway. The front door opened and closed soundlessly, the locks sliding into place one after another. He was leaning against the wall outside Howard's room, fiddling with a piece of folded paper. I walked out; he nodded at me and said "evening."

"Evening" I echoed, looking down at the paper. It must have triggered something for he slid it in his back pants pocket. "So, what did you think of our town? Our very small town."

He laughed softly, nodding. "I'm from a small town, or, I guess I should say raised in one. They all seem the same after a while."

"They?"

He hesitated before saying "I did a lot of…Moving around as a kid."

"Military brat?"

"That's one way of looking at it, sure."

Once again his vague answers had me curious. I would have continued to talk to him but my parent's door opened and dad stuck his head out. "Katy?"

"Sorry dad. Just getting ready for bed."

He nodded. "Alright. Night."

"Night, sir" Matt said, nodding at him. He nodded back and shut the door again. "Night, Katy."

"Night, Matt." He smiled, not the fake forced one he'd pulled on for mom but a true smile, yet it didn't seem to reach his eyes. Like a rainbow that was only halfway there.

As I lay in bed that night, his words continued to fill my mind, playing and replaying over and over like a broken record player. Eventually I drifted off into a dreamless sleep. Too soon, morning sunlight replaced the night sky.

At breakfast, Matt once again left me more confused than ever. It was Jack who got the conversation going. "So, Matt, where are you from?"

He finished his sip of coffee before answering, "Born in Tennessee, raised in several different places."

"All down south?"

He nodded. "Yep. Name a southern state, I probably lived there."

"Military?"

"No. Just…life."

"Are we still going by Miranda's?" Howard asked, saving the day. Dad didn't answer for a second, his eyes drifting from Matt to Jack then back again.

"As long as you have your chores done." He instantly brightened, eating faster, only to be chided by mom to slow it down.

"Not like she's going anywhere."

"No, but the day is."

While Matt and Howard mucked the stalls, Gus, Dad, and Jack taking the horses out, mom and I worked inside the house, cleaning it from top to bottom. By the time we had finished, it was nearly noon, the guys were already done, Howard and Matt taking turns in the shower while mom and I made lunch.

Finally, we were all sitting around the table, Matt and I so jammed close that our legs touched. The table was loaded down with plates filled with food, cups that nearly overflowed with sweet iced tea and everyone was knee to knee, elbow to elbow. And yet it was comfortable.

"So, I finally get to meet Howard's Miranda?" Matt teased my brother.

Howard grinned devilishly. "Don't you get any ideas, mister. She's mine."

Matt grinned. "That's ok. I think I'll just make off with your baby sister." That got several laughs and a glare from my father. "Kidding, sir. Kidding."

"Hope so. Rob here would have your hide."

Matt smiled wryly. "Better men have tried."

Several ohs and ahs went around the table, mom shushing everyone. "Enough. Let's just finish our meal in silence."

Because mother knows best, we did.


	4. Miranda and Matt

Now things get interesting…Very interesting…Hold on to your hats.

4: Miranda and Matt

Matt and I were in the back of dad's truck, dad driving, Howard next to him in the passenger seat. It was a beautiful day, the sun was high and bright, not a single cloud in the sky, a gentle breeze. Howard could hardly sit still. "Howard, settle down. I know it's been six months but really."

"Sorry. I just…" He threw his arms up in the air then turned to the back. "You ever been in love?"

"No. From what I see, I hope it doesn't happen anytime soon."

Dad chuckled. "Good one."

"What about you, Katy?" Matt asked, much to my surprise.

Before I could answer, Howard said "just horses. But I pity the first fellow that falls for her. I really do."

"Me too. Me too. Be the deadest son of a gun this side of Wyoming." Matt nodded, I blushed and looked out the window.

"With Flicka, I don't need anyone else."

"You say that now, you say that now. But someday you'll find someone, you will. But first I'll need to scrutinize him…"

"And then kill him."

Dad laughed. "You'll see Katy. You're still young." We turned a corner and pulled into the Koop's driveway. While Howard and dad unloaded the Koop's horse, Mr. Koop coming to greet us and take the horse, Matt and I got out, stretching our legs.

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of dark brown hair that darted and ebbed with the wind. I didn't say anything, waiting for her to pounce on my brother. Dad and Mr. Koop walked to the bark, talking quietly amongst themselves, Miranda creeping around the barn, getting closer to Howard. At last, she jumped out, her hands over his eyes. "Guess who?"

"Hm…Madonna?"

She slapped his chest, they both laughed. "I'm so insulted." He laughed and gently stroked her cheek.

I cleared my throat. "Nice introductions."

Howard grinned. "Katy, Miranda, Miranda, Katy. And my roommate…"

"Matt?!"

"Oh my god, Miranda Koop?" The two laughed before Miranda raced into his arms, he laughing and spinning her before setting her back down. Howard and I looked at each other, dumbfounded.

"I take it you two know each other?" Howard said. They instantly dropped hands and she went back to Howard who pulled her against his chest.

Ah nothing like jealousy on a perfect June day.

"Yeah, a million years ago" Matt said.

"A million and one" Miranda countered. "But hey, who's counting?" They laughed in unison and Miranda said "Back before I was the barrel-racing champ I am today, my father sent me out to the Old Range Barn in Oklahoma. Matt was there everyday, giving out pointers, mostly though he just watched. We started talking and exchanged numbers. But we lost touch about four years ago."

Oklahoma. A piece of the enigma puzzle named Matt Harte had fallen into place. "You were great at barrel racing even then. No one could touch you."

She grinned. "Yeah, yeah. No one was faster than you, Mr. Lightning."

Matt groaned. "Oh god. That name!" Miranda laughed, Matt joining in. It was the first time I had truly seen him carefree, like the weight of the world had been on his shoulders and now it had been lifted off. Those pale blue-green eyes I had once thought to be cold were light, dancing with life and laughter.

It was in this light that I first saw him as beautiful.

Dad and Mr. Koop came out then, still talking, more animated then. "Well, well, Mr. Lightning. How's it going, Matt?" asked Mr. Koop, extending a hand. They shook, eyes locked.

"Fine, Mr. Koop, just fine. How's Mrs. Koop?"

"Fine, everyone's fine."

An awkward silence followed until dad said "alright troops. Let's move out."

"Can Miranda come with us?"

Dad looked at me, slightly annoyed. "How would she get home?"

"Mr. Lightning?" she asked, looking at Matt.

"Rick?"

"Fine, as long as someone rides with them on the way home."

"I'll go" I offered.

"Alright. Settled." We walked to the truck, dad in front, Miranda and Howard behind him, Matt and I bringing up the rear.

"Oklahoma?" I asked him quietly.

"For some of my childhood, yes."

"You confuse me."

He smiled. "I'm sorry. I don't mean too be so guarded, just am. It's hard for me to let people in."

"You let Miranda in."

He nodded. "She was just so open, so honest. I think she was the first person near my age group that I truly trusted and that was why I let her in the way I did."

We were standing at the back of the truck, the door opened, Matt and I standing in front of it, looking at each other. "Could you ever let me in?"

He helped me in the truck; I turned in the seat so I could look up at him. "You never know what life will bring us."

He shut the door and walked to the other side, getting in. I looked at him once more. While some questions had been answered, a million more had been born.


	5. Answers and Questions

Same day, ends with the night, again, sorry for the dragging, stay tuned and you will be rewarded.

5: Answers and Questions

We reached home just after three, the breeze was slightly stronger now, the sun just as bright. We hopped out, Miranda and I rushing off to the house, the guys finishing out the chores. "Hey Katy. Oh, Miranda. Welcome. You hungry? Thirsty?"

"No thanks, Mrs. McLaughlin. Come on, I want to see Flicka." We rushed back outside, into the barn, the horses neighing and nickering softly as I opened her stall, guiding her out and walked her to the arena, turning her loose, Miranda and I staying far back and out of her way. "Just as loco as ever."

"But my loco." We smiled, Flicka rushed around and around, the guys were doing a quick inventory of the equipment. Matt walked out of the barn and walked up to the front porch, watching Flicka again. I shot him a look then turned back to Flicka. "What's Matt's deal?"

Miranda smiled. "How much time do you have?" I raised an eyebrow. "Don't get any ideas, Katy, he tended to keep to himself, we seldom talked about anything other than horses."

I shrugged. "It's better than what I got so far." I walked to the barn. "Dad, can Miranda and I go for a trail ride? We'll be back in time for supper."

Without looking up he asked "did you finish all your chores?"

"Yes sir."

"Alright. Be careful"

"Yes sir." I grabbed tack and walked out to the barn, Yankee walking beside me. As soon as we had the horses ready, we mounted them and started off. Once we were out of eyesight and ear sight range, I said "alright. Spill."

"Like I said, most of our talks was about horses. Personally, I knew very little. I knew he was born in Tennessee, moved around a lot, I think Oklahoma was the first real permanent home he'd had when I first met him. He never mentioned his family, just said he was an only child. When I met him, he was fifteen, I was twelve. At first, he never really noticed me-or so I thought. He later took me under his wing and guided me. He was a natural with horses, he proved how amazing he was when we got Maverick-he was a rouge, I mean the farmers that owned the barn were ready to put him down. But Matt said he would work with him, get him to calm down. No one believed in him-except for me and Jimmy, one of the owners. Everyone else thought he was nuts. But he worked day and night with him, never giving up. While he never got him 100% perfect, he was able to ride him and train him. He's still a handful but Matt always seemed to know what he was doing-well, almost always, more than once he was kicked, bucked, trampled, but he'd get right back up and start again when he was fixed." Flicka was trying to pull me in the opposite direction, I firmly pulled at the reins.

"That all you learned?"

She shook her head. "He's a junior. I saw him write it once: Matt Harte Jr. His birthday is March 16, 1987, like I said born in Tennessee. Oh! His full name is Matthew William James Hart Jr.-quite a mouthful. Got that out of him while playing truth or dare. Sorry, the rest of what I know is horse related."

I nodded. I had more than enough, actually. I had his full name, birthday, birthplace. This was what I really needed to help my investigation. I needed just a little bit more. "What part of Oklahoma?"

"A very small town called Troy, it's down south. Very down south."

"The name of the barn?"

"Old Range Barn, it's online now."

I nodded again, digesting the information. "What happened to Maverick?"

"Jimmy let Matt have him, kind of like your dad letting you keep Flicka, but Maverick was worse-way worse."

"When did he leave Oklahoma?"

"The following year-he moved to Colorado, but he came out to the Old Range Barn every summer, Maverick with him."

"Mr. Lightning?"

"We used to have races at the barn and no one could top Matt and Maverick-didn't matter what the competition was, they were gold. I have no idea why he stopped."

"What caused all his scars?"

"All?"

"I saw him shirtless…"

"Katherine McLaughlin! Naughty naughty!" Miranda laughed, giggling at me. I rolled my eyes.

"We were mucking out the stalls, not my fault he took his shirt off." She snorted. "What?!"

"Jimmy used to say that most of the girls came to the barn was to see Matt-he attracted girls the way bees are drawn to honey. Heck even I flirted with him."

I laughed. "Well, now look who's being naughty." She laughed with me as we turned the horses home. "What's your point?"

"That if you feel butterflies in your stomach over Matt, you are not the first girl, you sure won't be the last." We finished the ride in silence. Once we had the tack off and back in the barn, we cooled them off, Miranda taking Yankee back to the barn while I let Flicka run around in the arena.

Matt was sitting on the porch, his head to the sky. I sat next to him, my attention to him for a second then to Flicka. From inside the house, the smell of chicken wafted out to us, the men were inside, no doubt doing something in the kitchen. "Are you ok?" I asked.

He nodded. "Fine. Just enjoying the country-don't get this back in Boston." He leaned his head back, taking in a deep breath, his eyes closed. "I missed this. I can not wait to finish school, then get back to the country. It's where I belong, not the crowded cities of New England."

"Back to Colorado?"

He opened his eyes and looked at me, surprised. "How did you know where I lived?"

"Miranda."

He shook his head. "Figures. No, actually, I am trying to work out a deal with someone, maybe buy some land, get some more horses, start my own place."

"Oh. Where?"

"Here. No one you know." We both watched Flicka. "I know I've said it before, but, Flicka is a beauty."

"It's nice to hear it. Not like anyone else appreciates her."

"Well, she's beautiful…Just like her owner." The words startled me, so much so that I was sitting there for who knows how long, Miranda finally snapped me out of it by grabbing my arm, tugging at it.

"Finally! God, what happened? You were, mentally anyways, gone. I was ready to go inside and get your dad." I stood up quickly, looking around with just my eyes.

"Where's Matt?"

"I have no idea. He must be around here somewhere, his truck is here…Hey! Katy!" I ignored her, rushing inside the house, not seeing him in the kitchen.

"Where's Matt?" I asked, my eyes quickly darting around the kitchen and living room, no sign of him.

"He's in my room-he said he wanted to rest before he took Miranda home." I started for the stairs but was caught by dad.

"Katy, let him rest." I wanted to tug out of his grip and into Howard's room, wanted a sane explanation of what I had heard-or hadn't heard?-wanted to know every secret he was holding back.

I reluctantly walked to the kitchen, sitting down at the table, Miranda in Matt's chair next to me. I ate, yet tasted nothing, for all intents and purposes I could have been eating cardboard and I wouldn't have known the difference.

As we were cleaning the dishes, Matt ambled down the stairs, twirling his car keys as if nothing had happened. "Ready?" he asked, catching my eye for a second before it drifted to Miranda.

"Yep."

"No detours, straight there and back."

Matt nodded and the three of us climbed in the truck, Miranda and I in the back, Matt driving. He turned on the radio, it wasn't too loud, yet it was loud enough that Miranda and I could talk without him catching it. "What happened?" she hissed in the darkness.

I shrugged. "I have no idea. One second, Matt and I are sitting on the porch, talking about Flicka, the next second…" I shook my head.

"What? Katy come on!"

"I thought I heard him say…well, she's beautiful, just like her owner. Again, thought." She flicked her eyes at Matt, who kept his eyes on the road, humming softly to a country song.

"Wow. That's huge for him. Like, Pearl Harbor bombed kind of huge."

"Like I said, I thought I heard him say it, I'm pretty sure I imagined it." She looked at me. "I know, confusing."

"Everything about Matt is confusing-it's a way of life. Katy, denial is not just a river in Egypt, ok?"

I sighed wearily. "What are you talking about?"

"Matt has never been one to be open and he sure never let himself care for anyone, like someone of the opposite sex. If he really is saying these things, tread slowly, don't push too hard or you'll drive him off real fast and once that happens, there is no going back and starting over, not with him."

I sighed again. "What?"

"Katy, Matt isn't someone who just says these sort of things, like ever. What I'm trying to say is, if he is falling for you, don't push him away, embrace him, because, he is the kind of man that every woman out there wants-loyal, should you and him end up together, he'll be yours for life."

"Miranda, this is insane, we just met. I hardly know him, he hardly knows me…"

"So what? You've never heard of couples just meeting and knowing that it's right? That they are right? Katy, I'm not going to lie, this is going fast, but like I already said, tread slowly, don't push, do so too hard he'll be out of your life so fast it will make your head spin. And be careful-he may seem invincible but he's only human who's been through a lot in such a short life."

I leaned back in the seat, sighing again. I had a hunch I was going to be doing a lot of that. We reached her house too soon, I wanted her to keep talking, to help me work this out. But I assumed that until I could figure out what was real and what was evolved from my imagination I was just as lost as she was.

"Keep me informed" she said as she slid out and walked inside her home. I got out and sat next to him in the passenger seat. He didn't say anything just turned and started the drive back home.

The music was still on, lower now. I looked him over as best I could in the darkness, the moon my only light: he was dressed in loose jeans, a belt, a flannel blue-button down shirt that was rolled up to the forearms. Mostly I watched his face, but found his hands even more fascinating. I wondered what they felt like: were they soft like velvet, or tough as leather? And what would they feel like, to be in those strong arms? Would it be safe or scary and dangerous? Slowly, my eyes went up to his face.

His lips.

They were red, not too much so, perfect almost. I wondered what they would feel like against mine: soft as a feather, like a kiss from a cloud? Or harder, not so gentle, the way his life had apparently been. I blushed at the thought of just where that one kiss could have gone, then shivered, not out of fear, mostly it thrilled me, which in turn shocked me. He misunderstood the shaking and turned the heater on.

I bit my lip and leaned my head against the window, looking out at the crescent moon. How had life gotten so complicated in such a short time? How was it this one person had turned everything in my life upside down and inside out in record time? Had he really said the words? Or had I let my imagination run away?

Here I was, at a time in my life that was supposed to be the best and yet it was starting to feel like the worst. Everything was a muddled mess, nothing made sense. The lines between reality and fiction were blurred.

We pulled into the driveway, the ignition died, neither of us moved. The tension was thick enough to cut it with a butter knife. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

So it hadn't been my imagination.

"Said what?"

He looked at me then opened the door, shutting it behind him. I followed behind him silent. So the words had been spoken.

But they hadn't been true.


	6. Tensions and Confusion

Not much to tell, been nearly a week since the last chapter, that's about it. Sorry for lousy summary, just read and enjoy.

6: Tensions and Confusion

For nearly a week, life between Matt and I was normal as it could be on the outside but on the inside we were both exhausted trying to keep up the normal appearance. We did our chores and when they were together, gritted our teeth, grinned and dealt with it.

All the Matt drama had caused me to forget about my school issue. Fortunately, mom hadn't which is why she pulled me to the side exactly a week after Matt and Howard had come home and brought it up. The look on my face must have told her just how much the issue had been on my mind.

After promising to bring it up when he came back from town, I went to my room and tried to control my emotions. Yet it was nearly impossible, the combination of Matt and school and life in general was all so overwhelming. I left my room and walked to Howard's. Instead of finding him, Matt lay in his cot, asleep. He lay in blue shorts that had been jeans at one point, his upper body was naked. I hesitated before stepping closer, always listening for someone down-stairs. His eyelids twitched ever so gently, indicating REM sleep, his breathing was steady and even. His hair was in slight disarray, wisps of it lay across his forehead. Somehow he seemed younger, although he didn't seem vulnerable, quite the opposite.

Seeing him in this light, I could make out silver linings of scars up and down his perfectly smooth hairless chest and across his belly. There weren't that many, as far as I could see, but several did announce themselves quite noticeably: the scar on his chin was the most obvious, one that ran from the start of his belly to his left thigh diagonally, another that was faint but still there in a straight line down his chest. I looked at his arms and hands and saw numerous small cuts and scrapes and scars, most likely the result of working with horses for so long.

Had the door not opened, I would have seen his legs and feet which were their own story. But, as luck would have it, the door opened down-stairs and I darted out of my brother's room before someone noticed or Matt woke up. I darted down the hall and looked over the stairs. In had walked my father and Gus, my heart sinking as I knew what I had to do. They were talking to mom in the kitchen, something about feed for the horses, dishes banged and clanked, indicating cooking, dishes, maybe.

Before I could head down-stairs, dad was headed up, a peculiar look on his face. "We need to talk, Katy" he said softly, walking to my room, avoiding eye contact. Uh oh. This was bad. Very bad. I followed behind him, wondering just what was going on. He shut the door behind me and said "sit down."

"Uh dad, I need to tell you something. Look, I appreciate everything you and mom have done for me, in every way shape and form. But, I have decided not to take the scholarship to Columbia or any other college. I'm sorry but I do not think it would be in my best interest or the family's."

I stopped, holding my breath, the longest sixty seconds of my life. He didn't say anything, looked out my window, twisting his wedding ring. Finally, he turned to me and I braced myself for my verbal beating. "Well, alright Katy. If that's what you feel is best, then it's fine by me."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Who was this man in front of me? He sure wasn't my father. Where was the ranting about how much he and mom and sacrificed? The talk of how much money it had cost us to put me through private schooling?

"Dad, are you sure you heard me correctly?" I asked him carefully, walking on eggshells.

"Yes, I did and I understood. And it's fine. See, your mother and I decided that you are an adult now, no matter how much that scares us, and we-and by we I mean mostly your mother-decided that if you didn't want to go to college, then we should respect that." My jaw must have hit the ground, all I could do was stare at him.

It was amazing what two years could do to a person.

"Um…Wow. Thanks, dad. I was expecting you to take it all lot harder than this." He nodded several times, still avoiding my eyes. "Ok. Was that what you wanted to talk about?"

He shook his head no. "No, Katy…Um…Oh boy this is hard."

"What? Is it Flicka?!"

I rushed to the door but he quickly said, "Katy, no. It's nothing about Flicka. I promise." I took a deep breath then moved away from it. "Sit. Please just sit. Um… Well, back to the whole you being an adult, despite that, you're still growing and maturing as a person, and you will have to make choices in your life and I want you to make the right ones. We, your mother and I, want you to make the right ones."

I nodded slowly. "Ok…"

"What I mean is, you're going to want to try new things, make some…Experiments and I want you to be safe in those decisions…" He was looking out the window again, the back of his neck was flushed which meant his face was too.

"Dad, I don't do drugs and I never will."

"I don't mean drugs, Katy-although I hope you never do, easiest way to destroy your life, no, I mean…" He sat now, his fingers drumming on the desk, looking down, his jean clad legs bouncing up and down. "What I mean is you may want to become…Intimate with others and…"

Oh god!

"Dad, is this a sex talk?" I asked him gently. The look to the side, far away from me, told me I'd hit the mark. "Dad, no offense, but you're a little late with this talk."

He jumped up, knocking the chair over. "How late?" His eyes were narrowed in low slits as he glared at the door, like it had done something to offend him.

"No, not like that late, dad, I mean mom and I had this talk years ago. That's all."

"Oh so you never…"

"No, of course not. I'm still well you know."

A long awkward silence fell between us. "What started this? I mean, it's not like you ever talked about this kind of thing with me before." I waited for an answer, then decided to throw out my guess. "It's Matt right? I mean, you've never been this way around Jack or Gus so it must be Matt."

Something flashed in his face, vanished in less than thirty seconds but I still caught it. "Matt, anyone, I just want you to be careful. Physically, emotionally,…"

"I understand, dad. I will. I promise." He nodded and walked out of the room. I leaned against my bed, still in slight shock. What was going on with everyone? I shook my head and walked down-stairs, offered to help mom, but she shooed me out and I walked to the barn. I couldn't see Jack or Gus, sounds from the barn told me where they were.

But that wasn't who I needed.

I walked back inside, to ask dad when the next time Miranda was coming here or vice versa when Matt came down the stairs, changed in blue jeans and a white t-shirt. "I'm going into town, anyone need anything?"

"List is on the fridge" mom called from the living room. He looked it over and walked outside, twirling his keys on his index finger. Less than a minute later, the truck rolled out of the driveway and away into the mid-afternoon day.

Roughly twenty minutes later, dad's truck parked in the driveway, Howard in the driver's seat, my confidant next to him. I rushed to the truck and grabbed her wrist. "Come on! You will not believe the day I've had!" Howard hollered after us, but we just laughed and raced down the path we took when riding.

When we stopped, we crash landed in the same field where I had first seen Flicka. Finally, when the breathing was steady again, the laughing had died down, she turned to me and nodded. "Alright. Let's hear the gossip."

Where to begin? I wondered for a minute. "The night that we dropped you off, he said 'I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that'".

"So you didn't imagine him saying it?"

I shook my head. "Apparently not. Anyways, we have been just trying to deal with one another."

"Awkward much."

"Just a little. Then, my dad said he wanted to talk to me and I had to tell him about the whole school thing."

"How'd that go?"

"He said that he was fine with my decision."

"What?! He just took it?"

I nodded. "Yep. Anyways, after that, he starts to say things about how I'm an adult but still learning and growing and that I should be careful of the choices I make."

"Oh god, one of those." She pulled at the cuffs of her shirt, cream-colored white, loose light blue jeans.

"Oh it gets worse. When he finally stops beating around the bush, he's trying to have the talk with me."

Miranda gasped. "What?! Why?"

"Matt-I can't explain why but it definitely has something to do with Matt."

"Ok, so you don't know the exact reason but Matt is the root behind it?"

"Yeah. When I asked him if the reason he was talking about all this was because of Matt-seeing as he never said anything when it came to Jack or Gus-there was something in his eyes, something…Something was there."

"But he never actually said Matt?" I shook my head. "Remember when you guys came up to our place with Matt and our dads came out?" I nodded. "Well, when they shook hands, like you said, there was something there…Like an electrical charge or something."

"You said Matt used to attract a lot of girls back at the old barn?"

"Yeah. Why? Jealous?"

"No. What I mean is…Did you ever hear any rumors or anything that might have made him look shady?"

"No. Matt was a total gentleman, least as far as I saw."

"I have no idea what is going on but I'd like to get to the bottom of it, fast."

"Hear hear."

Eventually, we walked back to the house, Howard stealing Miranda from me as soon as he saw us. Dad, Jack, and Gus were still outside in the barn, mom in the house, Matt still gone. I walked inside and up to my room. I shivered as I thought of the conversation dad and I had Sitting on my bed, I sighed deeply and closed my eyes.

It was amazing how complicated life had gotten in such a short period of time.

I stood up and walked downstairs to help mom make dinner. We didn't say anything while we shelled vegetables on the front porch; the men were finishing work for the day. Howard and Miranda were inside on the couch, their quiet conversation mixed with laughter drifted out to us.

It was a still day, hardly a breeze; the sun was still high, though not too far out, clouds were coming in slowly. They weren't black, gray still, menacing none the less. The scent of grass was strong for some reason, it was driving my nose crazy, tickling it, dancing and swaying with it, until my fingers could no longer stand it and they had to take care of the offender.

By the time Matt returned, mom and I were just about done with dinner, the guys were inside, listening to a ball game in the living room, and Howard had taken Miranda home and was staying there for dinner. We had talked some more but neither of us could figure out what was the deal with Matt. He unloaded the groceries, working seamlessly around us, putting things in cabinets and the fridge.

Once again, the mere presence around him had my stomach flipped upside down, my heart raced faster than any horse at the Kentucky derby, my palms were slick as oil. My first bout of infatuation. I hoped it was my last.


End file.
